a lurkers first post 🦝
So, a first little post blinks, stretches and steps into the internet, just to unfold itself on your screen. I am starting this as an exercise in non-hinding, name attached and all.
For years now I feel a nagging desire to share my thoughts, experiments, and bits and pieces that fall out of this life, I am conducting day by day. Little surprise that social media was not the place to fulfill this desire. Like so many I fell into its spell, and found myself addicted to a feed – consuming more than I could ever be producing, feeling more and more coerced to alter my outwards projection into something that matches some aesthetic, that has no edges can be easily consumed and liked. This feeling left me startled, so I barely posted anything, but god was I still watching. At the end of it I quit. Some lucid moment about how my online behavior was actively working to hinder myself from expressing anything I actually cared about, and that my discomfort was the byproduct of an industry whose values actually disgust me, snapped me out of it.
Which leads to now. This attempt to share, to let folks inside my thoughts, and make connections. I think I'll need to practice. The smooth and corporate-crunchy interfaces of social media, do one thing really well: in all these trend cycles of aesthetics, one can easily throw around some signifiers, that will give the illusion of personality, when one is actually hiding. I am hereby trying to drag myself out of the shadows.
I have spent years creating, journaling, sketching, dancing, developing scores and kept them mostly to myself, always afraid of not being professional enough, or to pathetic, or cringe. That's why now a blog, because its mine, and because I believe in sharing the polished as well as the blurp. The professional lurker that I am, I love reading peoples works in progress, personal accounts, poems they just found on the street. And I decided to join in the conversation.
It takes some guts to be human in public, so welcome to this display of my lovely intestines.
🦝